If you're a budding entrepreneur looking to make your mark in the world, then perhaps you've considered opening a fried chicken restaurant or concocting your own Nigerian e-mail scam. But the problem is saturation. Even the thickest people are starting to smell a rat when they get an e-mail from Worthington Ombudana offering "many dollar". And even poor people can get tired of eating fried chicken.

So where can you go to make your fortune? I'll tell you: open a "money church".

Money churches are the next big thing and the equation is a simple one: find a disused warehouse, school or office in a downtrodden area of London; clear it out and then fill it with chairs and a lectern; open your doors to innocent, God-fearing Africans at strange times of the week; whip them up into a religious frenzy, pass the "collection plate" around and watch your bank balance grow Thanks Be To God The Lord Saviour Our Reborn King.

As ever, branding makes all the difference: a carefully chosen name, logo and sign will ensure that the flock come flocking. Bear these tips in mind when inaugurating your own money church:

• Ensure that your name is long and elaborate. "Peckham Church" simply won't cut it. The point of the name is to scare illiterate devotees into coming inside for a dose of spiritual improvement.
• The name of your money church should be an ominous concoction of imagery from the bible. Here are some examples to get you started: "ministry", "mercy", "redeemed", "disciple", "miracle".
• If you haven't got room for all the words you'd like to include, buy a bigger sign. If one sign isn't big enough, buy another one.
• On the other hand, if you've got a lot of space left over on your sign after adding your name, pad it out with as much awe-inspiring gibberish as you can. Remember: the more words, the more scared the congregation and the heavier the collection plate.
• If you want a logo then keep it simple and powerful: doves, flames and crowns. Poor people can understand pictures quite easily and they just won't be scared enough to come and pray in your warehouse if they understand what your sign means. Keep in mind the old saying: "A thousand words are a lot more intimidating than a picture".
• If you're only "borrowing" your disused building for a couple of weeks and don't want to commit to a fixed, backlit sign, then don't panic - consider investing in a canvas sign that you can take with you whenever the authorities catch up with you.

Armed with the advice above, you're ready to go. But not before a spot of "competitor analysis":

• Pick your words and "rack 'em up". This is good, solid, religious gibberish, even if the bird/book/cross logo is a bit fussy.
• Mountains, fire and miracles are enough to make a grown man hand over his wallet. But don't follow the MFMM example and ruin your cause with a ludicrous website.
• These guys had a bit of a boring name, so they translated it into French and Yoruba and finished off with a classic "faith/divine/power" combo. A great turnaround.
• Where's Bethel? You mean you don't know? You'd better go inside and give your money to Evangelist Obikunwe Newman before God Smites You In The Ass.
• Mercy, mission, ministries - lovely use of alliteration. And they're international, so they must be bona fide. Why not pop in and help them "reshape the brokeness of society"?
• If you wanted to go somewhere and "win", where would you choose? How about the Place of Victory? This goes to show that a strong concept can make up for lack of elaboration.
• I don't know who Cliwom is, but you could do worse than opt for a mission statement like his to pull in the punters: "Sharing Vision of success with people of destiny."
• It's a church. It's Christian. And to top it off, it belongs to God. You might think that sounds repetitive, but tautology can be an important weapon when filling up your sign.
• Why not pop down and see Joseph and Ify Owundiwe at Resurrection House to see how it's done? There's plenty going in their sign to befuddle the congregation.
• If your name and logo aren't cutting it with the moneygivers, then you could always jump on the "Hollywood Fantasy Blockbuster" bandwagon and con local thickertons into believing that you'll be showing the Lord Of The Rings trilogy.
• Here's an interesting bluff. If you opt for a black and white sign with outdated fonts and a telephone area code that no longer exists, people will think you've been established for much longer than you actually have. "Come in and give us your moneys, friend of Christ!"
• Occasionally, you'll find a money church that tells it how it is. Being honest about your money-grabbing intentions can assist you later on down the line when you get investigated by the Charity Commission. It will help your lawyers immensely if you admit up front that "Prayer Is Our Business".
• The bigger your congregation, the bigger your profits. For this reason, advertising your international reach will keep your offshore bank account well-stocked. The pound; the euro; the naira; whatever currency your worshipping lemmings bring to the collection plate, it doesn't matter: it's all money.
• Another crowd-pleaser is the mention of a link with the Royal Family. If you turn up to the monthly 72-hour "Hour of Victory" prayer session here, you will be made one of "God's princes" in exchange for having your life savings siphoned off slowly over 3 days by a smiling, clapping zealot.
• When you prepare your sign, bear in mind that people may want to ring you up to check how much money they should bring along to the next service. Given that you will probably have a new mobile phone each month (because you almost certainly don't pay your bills), it's best to leave plenty of room for all your various numbers.

Just before you go hunting for a warehouse and buying secondhand plastic school chairs, you might want to consider the final stamp of authenticity for your money church: set aside some of your capital, become a minister in 48 hours and treat yourself to a "Ministry In A Box", which is apparently "the finest products of the monastery".

Kind days, brethren.