Introduction

Who can forget the iconic image of Lynndie England, the ugly she-man, grinning and pointing at an Iraqi prisoner-of-war's cock?

The image has shocked, sickened and outraged people. But more importantly, it has captured the imagination of young men and women all around the world who don't give much of a shit about anything. The result is a new craze called "doing a Lynndie". If you aren't "doing a Lynndie" now, you soon will be.

So what does doing a Lynndie involve? Here are the basic instructions:

1. Find a victim who deserves to be "Lynndied".
2. Make sure you have a friend nearby with a camera ready to capture the "Lynndie".
3. Stick a cigarette (or pen) in your mouth and allow it to hang slightly below the horizontal.
4. Face the camera, tilt your upper body slightly forward but lean back on your right leg.
5. Make a hitchhiking gesture with your right hand and extend your right arm so that it's in roughly the same position as if you were holding a rifle.
6. Keeping your left arm slightly bent, point in the direction of the victim and smile.

Ideally, you should refrain from telling the victim what you're about to do. Victims who are unaware, bemused or angry make for a Lynddie that is more in keeping with the original.

National Anthem

As with any good sporting event, things can't get started without some half-assed nod towards nationality. Rather than request that you all stand up and sing "God Save Our Gracious Queen", I'd ask, instead, that you spend a few seconds contemplating Queen Elizabeth II, her husband and her son being Lynndied by a nonchalant American at the Braemar Royal Highland Gathering. (Click on the picture and it should "go all big".)

   Queen Elizabeth II, Prince Philip and Prince Charles, Braemar, Scotland, UK

The Perfect Lynndie

There is a big philosophical debate over whether it is possible to achieve the "perfect" Lynndie. Even with a cigarette, the correct hand configuration and a grin at the camera, an excellent Lynndie can be tarnished by the temptation to bend one's knees like an Elvis impersonator. I'm not sure perfection will ever be possible. But for excellent posture, commitment and attention to detail, Haski's "Halloween Suite" will be hard to top.

Top 10 Classic Lynndies

Do you want to be the best diminutive, pea-brained, gender-bending torturer in the world? Well this is the kind of thing you need to be aiming for.

1.    Operation, Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
2.    Mother on telephone, Arlington, Texas, USA
3.    Crying child and angry father at Disneyland, Anaheim, California, USA
4.    Drunk girl, Primrose Hill, London, UK
5.    Man puking into toilet, The Netherlands
6.    Drunk woman, West Hampstead, London
7.    Nigerian e-mail scammers with bags over heads, Nigeria
8.    Drunk old woman, St. Paul, Minnesota, USA
9.    Disgruntled toddler, Lake Calcasieu, Louisiana, USA
10.    Diabetic injecting himself with insulin, Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Top 10 Celebrity Lynndies

If you manage to Lynndie somebody well-known, you deserve a Purple Heart (or some other stupidly named medal to stick on your tit); it's not an easy business.

1.    Ryan Dunn Lynndieing James Hewitt, Salt Lake City, Utah, USA
2.    Chris Evans, Primrose Hill, London, UK
3.    Hayden Christensen, Salt Lake City, Utah, USA
4.    John Waters, San Francisco, California, USA
5.    Dennis Rodman, Salt Lake City, Utah, USA
6.    Michelle from Big Brother, Kew Gardens, London
7.    Carson from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" at LAX, Los Angeles, California, USA
8.    Jimmy Somerville, Ahaus, Germany
9.    Steven Norris, MP and London Mayoral Failure, Trafalgar Square, London, UK
10.    Frances de la Tour, Leicester Square, London, UK

Top 5 Police Lynndies

Law enforcement officers are known for being able to give and receive a decent Lynndie.

1.    Policewoman at concert, New Braunfels, Texas, USA
2.    Policeman, Parkes, New South Wales, Australia
3.    Policemen standing around at festival, Silver Lake, Los Angeles, USA
4.    Police double-Lynndie, Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA
5.    Nonchalant policemen, Venice, Italy

Top 5 Animal Lynndies

It's not just police, celebrities, drunks and people showing their asses that need to be Lynndied. What about animals?

1.    Turtle, Hawaii, USA
2.    Pug triptych, San Francisco, California, USA
3.    Stuck pig, Sun Prairie, Wisconsin, UK
4.    Poodle with glowing eyes, Ohio, USA
5.    Pigs, Cincinnati, Ohio, USA

Top 5 Inanimate Lynndies

You may not have anyone to point at. You may not be allowed within 50 metres of an animal (living or dead). So what? Join the party.

1.    Electric chair victim, USA
2.    Sausages, Windsor, California, USA
3.    Painting of Stephen Hawking, Trafalgar Square, London, UK
4.    Snowman trio, Davison, Michigan, USA
5.    Recruitment centre in Times Square, New York, USA

Top 5 Photoshopped Lynndies

If you don't get out much, you can always look on the SIBID for potential Lynndie participants and give them a quick fiddle with your mouse pointer. Here's the cream of the Photoshop crop.

1.    Darth Vader, Spaceship
2.    Dipsy, Tellytubbyland, UK
3.    George Bush, Weimar Republic
4.    George Bush, Washington DC, USA
5.    Women in bikinis, USA

The Rest

Couldn't you find your Lynndie on this page? That means it's old, shit or both. It might be here.