Yes, you’re on holiday, basking in the sun while everyone back home is up at 6am scraping ice off their windscreens, and of course you want to flaunt it. But why for the love of god would you wear a bum bag? Read on for more fashion forward tips to help you avoid looking like a tourist.
Brits abroad have a bad rep. We’re noisy, untidy, badly behaved, refuse to attempt to learn the local language and tip like Scrooge, putting us in the top 5 most hated nations on holiday, according to Expedia’s 2007 Best Tourist League.
But worst of all, according to the international poll, is the fact that we’re horrifyingly badly dressed. Our advice? Fake some fashion sense.
Bum Bags. Otherwise known as fanny packs. Neither name oozes glamour. You manage fine without a hideous crime against fashion attached to your hips at home, so why does it suddenly become haut couture on holiday when you most need style points?
Tiny shorts. Properly fitted shorts are lovely on long, tanned pins. On scaly white thighs, not so much. Rule of thumb: if your butt looks like it’s eating your shorts, they’re too small. And if you’ve tucked a t-shirt into them, you deserve to be deported.
A sunburn. You’ll look like a daft Brit, plus it’s one of the most painful accessories out there. Oh, and there is that unfortunate side effect of skin cancer and death too.
Your Eng-er-land Football Shirt. Not everyone shares your passion for football, or for terribly bad taste. Plus, most locals will think you’re a football hooligan hell bent on causing havoc.
Sandals with socks. Shockingly, this is not a vicious cliché – it actually happens. Apart from the obvious style disaster, how do you actually walk like that?
T&A. There really is no need to put excessive amounts of your assets on display. The locals may not be as excited about your new boob job as you imagine.
Beachwear. All the time. Yes, we get it, you’re on holiday. We still don’t want to see you spilling out of your swimsuit over dinner, at the shops, in the museum…Do yourself a favour and put your breakfast, lunch and dinner away…
Crocs. They are never a good look, however comfy they may allegedly be.
A thong. Don’t wear a thong on the beach, even if the Brazilians are doing it. Just don’t.
Themed accessories. It’s sparklingly sunny and you’re in a deckchair sipping a cocktail. Where do your knitted snowman jumper, tinsel headband and mistletoe earrings fit into the picture?
Hawaiian print shirt. You wouldn’t naturally be drawn to garish pink and orange printed flowers at home, so why you feel compelled to dress this way as soon as you’re on holiday is somewhat mysterious.
Glitter. A post code far, far away is no excuse to dress like a teenager from the 80s. This means no tummy-showing tops, excessive sequins or glitter nail polish. You know who you are.
Well, that’s your clothing sorted. For tips on what gorgeous winter beauty products you should be throwing into your suitcase, Click Here.
